God Is .... Perfect, So I Don't Have to Be

I am the oldest of 3 children.

I am driven. I am determined. I am goal oriented. I am Type A (Y'all should see all the planners I have, it's honestly unhealthy).... and I am a recovering perfectionist.

I built my life on the idea of doing everything right. Somehow in my mind, I'd convinced myself that perfection was the door to acceptance... and I was sadly mistaken. I didn't feel this way exclusively about people, but I also felt this way about Jesus. I felt that I had to do it all right, I had to get it right on the first try, and I HAD to be nothing short of perfect for him to love me.

I had based the foundation of who I was on the need to do everything right, instead of basing it on the peace that comes in serving a Savior who does all things well. I had become an expert in covering my pain, and carrying my own mess, because I was afraid that if people saw the flawed human I was -- they'd somehow think less of me. So instead of laying down my burdens, and inviting people into my world, perfectionism caused me to believe I had to carry everything all on my own, and I shut people out.

What I was failing to acknowledge was that this is why Jesus came, and this is why Jesus died. He didn’t come to earth for me to continue to try and fight my own battles and cover my own flaws and brokenness. He came to earth to take that burden as His own so that I wouldn’t have to carry it. By trying to carry my own mess, and live my life perfectly, I was invalidating what Jesus did and snatching my burdens right out of His hands. The burdens He so graciously wants to carry for me.

God knew that I would be imperfect. And because He knew this, He sent the perfect solution in the form of Jesus. Jesus who knew no wrong and walked out this life way better than I ever could.

Jesus didn’t have to put on a façade for anyone, didn’t have to cover any flaws, but chose to come to earth and cover himself fully with all of mine. God saw me worthy of such a sacrifice, and I chose not dishonor it by not letting Jesus continue to accomplish the cause He was sent for.

Through a long year of counseling, lot's of prayers, and lot's of face to face encounters with Jesus and myself -- I laid down the need to be perfect and began to own my brokenness. Owning my brokenness doesn't mean I didn't seek ways to improve, but it meant that I spent less time covering the mess and more time actively pursuing wholeness.

𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘𐩘

My last semester of my college undergraduate career was a real doozy. I was taking 5 senior level courses, on top of applying for grad school, on top of graduation tests, starting not one,2 businesses, and in the process of publishing a book. Despite my best efforts, I was in over my head just 3 weeks into the semester.

Naturally, my perfection-driven heart became anxious; and I found myself trying to figure out how I would get everything to flow just right. (Please realize that the walk to freedom isn't one that happens overnight, or even in a years time -- it is a continuous journey, especially when the thing you're walking away from was an 18-year lifestyle).

However, I quickly found myself reciting a phrase that became my mantra for the semester, in every area of my life:

"A "B" will not kill me"

You have to understand that saying this was an act of faith for me. I thrived off of the satisfaction A's gave to my perfectionistic needs. So to settle for B's was a hard pill to swallow.

But regardless of how it felt, I said it with confidence. I said it with through anxiety. I said it through the overwhelming urge to just do more to get it right, and I said it as often as I needed the reminder. Sometimes that looked like once a day, other days it looked like reciting it every few hours.

In reality, nothing about that semester was A+ material, and I often found myself overwhelmed with questions. I wanted to know why things weren't going smoother, I wanted to know why I didn't have more control, I wanted to know what I could do to fix things and how quickly I could find solutions -- I wanted to snatch everything out of God's hands and fix it myself.

And in these moments, as I was about to jump head first into the ocean and retreat back into my old ways, I found Holy Spirit pulling me back to shore and whispering:

"A "B" will not kill you"

What I learned was that B's in life give room for God to add grace on top of my imperfection.

B's give room for me to be human, and space for me to accept grace.

B's leave me in a place of vulnerability, and in position to truly see God move.

B's mean that I have let go of the reigns, I have surrendered control, and I am allowing my life to be controlled by someone so much more capable.

B's help me realize that although I am not perfect, I serve a God who is.

A "B" in the hands of the master is a masterpiece waiting to unfold.

No matter the outcome, whether I sink or swim, whether it is a B or an A, it will be well... because my life is governed by a God who always wins... and therefore I always win.

That is the beauty of living a life that is not fulfilled and fueled, by perfection. When we step back, own the reality that perfection is unattainable, and truly allow Jesus to be the King of our hearts and lives -- we find a peace that is unexplainable.

We are able to realize that the Lord does not require perfection from us -- so, therefore, it should not be our goal.

The consistent pursuit of wholeness and fulfillment, that can only be found in Him, is his desire for us -- not perfection.

So, to the anxious heart that is uncertain of the future, it is well.

To the student that is unsure of how things will work out for you to complete your education, it is well.

To the parent, new or experienced, that is afraid of how you will be perfect for your child, it is well.

Oh anxious heart, be still.

You serve a God that is the epitome of perfection -- and He won't let you fail.

Wherever you are, wherever you stand, no matter the fear and no matter the anxiety -- know that it is and will be well.

God is perfect.... so you don't have to be.

Rest in that truth.

"My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness." -- 2 Corinthians 12:9 (MSG)