God Is...Grace

In 2018 I moved back home to Atlanta after a lot of prayers, a lot of thought, and a lot of open doors from God that let me know that this was indeed His will for me. After the rollercoaster of a summer that I had, it was the necessary move for me to make.

Moving back home meant picking up all my old babysitting clients, and opening myself up to new ones. For at least 6 days out of the 7 day week, I was working with children -- and I absolutely loved it. Being able to influence, and help shape the next generation of leaders and influencers is a privilege I hold dear. It's more than just watching someone else's children... it's being able to influence a young life.

One week as I was driving one of my girls back from her guitar lesson, she sat in the back seat of my car, quietly examining the contents she'd found in the back of the seat. As if she'd been bitten by the boredom bug, she began calling out the names of all the things she was discovering.

"I found a comb!"

"I found some pens!"

"Nysi, what do you call this?"

She suddenly stopped, got extremely quiet, inhaled sharply and exclaimed..

"O-M-G (yes, she said O-M-G) Nysi, I found a penny!!"

I tried to match her excitement, and responded, "Oh my goodness, really?! You can keep it! Honestly, you can keep any coins you find back there."

(There weren't that many back there, but if that was what was going to excite her -- I was going to let her have it, haha!)

That sent her into a coin looking frenzy! She began searching through the rest of the content in the back of the chair, and when they didn't yield anything, she turned her search to the side of the door.

A few minutes into her search, I heard another gasp from the back of my car as she exclaimed, again,

"Nysi! I found another penny!"

After she got done telling me every minute detail she could about the two pennies, she looked at me and said,

"But you know, I'd rather have this penny, over this one, because it's cleaner. This other one is just so dirty."

I looked in my rearview mirror, and without a second thought I looked at her and said,

"Dirt doesn't determine usefulness, sweetie. They both still have the same value."

As soon as the words left my mouth, they hit my heart.

I thought about all the times that I had let my past determine the ways that God could use me.

I thought about how I equated the dirt of who I was and the shame attached with it to whether or not God would want me... or if He would choose me.

Beyond if He would want me or choose me, I wondered if He could still see value in me beyond the dirt.

One of the deepest desires that we have as human beings is to belong. To be loved. To be chosen. To be understood.

Somewhere along the way as Christians, we've convinced ourselves and others that the Lord requires slight perfection before He can cover us with grace and then use us.

I've learned throughout the years, and throughout the fiber of my own story that this is the farthest thing from the truth.

I heard a song recently that said, "I wasn't holding you up, so there's nothing I can do to let you down. I'll never be more loved than I am right now".

I don't know if you need this reminder, friend, but I'm going to tell you just in case you do:

The Lord doesn't need your goodness.

He does not need your perfection.

He does not need your 5 year plan.

He does not need you to come to him spotless and without blemish.

The way that Abba values you isn't determined by how well you do things, your value is determined by the simple fact that you are His.

If you never do a single thing that you feel you're "supposed" to do, remember that the core of what you were created to do is simply love Him and allow yourself to be loved by Him. There's grace for the days that you feel like the dirty penny in the door of the car.

I pray that on the days that you don't feel clean enough, or valued enough, to be loved by Him you remember that God is Grace.

He looks at you that same way I looked at my girl and He says, "Dirt doesn't determine usefulness".

God is grace; and the God of grace loves you deeply and intentionally.

Never forget that.